Human Beings And Our Need for Constant Validation

Xoxo

So, yesterday my lil' Miss Sunshine graduated from Nursery to Primary school, and you can bet that we Nigerians, being the people that love events and celebrations, usually go all out for any form of graduation. Be it from creche to reception/pre-nursery, from pre-nursery to nursery, etc. 

While at the ceremony,  prizes were given to best pupil in each class, from creche to secondary class. For the nursery 2 class, each pupil was given a gift (as graduating pupils, I guess), and on each gift I noticed that they wrote the pupil's name and 'best in a subject(English, mathematics, spelling, etc)'. I guess they wanted to make each child feel like a winner. Anyway, a woman(one of the mothers I assume) went to the class teacher and asked 'my son is the best in mathematics in the class?' the teacher replied 'yes', she repeated 'as in, overall best'?, the teacher said yes, then she heaved a sigh(of relief I believe) and walked away  smiling and proud of her son. I smiled because I already knew every child there had the same thing written on his/her gift.

I wondered if she really needed to be reassured that her son was smart and was the best in his class.  I believe we know our children's performance in school, we go through their books and find out if they're doing well or not. Therefore, I don't think parents have any need for that re-assurance or stamp of approval in the form of a gift. The children are the ones that need it, probably for motivation and encouragement. 

The same thing happens in our daily lives, the constant need for people's approval. You dress up, and if nobody tells you that you look good, you become convinced that you look bad even when your mirror tells you differently. We constantly seek for other people's validation. There are too many people with different opinions and views, why then do we need their approval? What is good in the eyes of A will probably not be good in the eyes of B or C. So who do we go to for validation? Or whose report do we believe? I understand that we live in an interdependent world and therefore have to consider other people, however, if you constantly seek validation from people you will only end up losing your self-esteem and confidence. 

If the woman in my daughter's school didn't get that stamp of approval from the teacher that her child was the best at something, she'd have most likely gone home thinking her son was a loser, or not smart. This thought might trigger off a chain of thoughts as to why her son didn't win a prize, even when the poor boy's average score is very high. She needed that prize to be convinced. I happily took my daughter home and bought her ice cream because her average score already told me all I needed to know. Therefore, that they wrote 'best in spelling' on her gift didn't matter to me plus the fact that she tore it open almost immediately and threw away the pack, as if to further prove to me that what matters is what is inside, not what the world sees or says outside. 

What matters is what is inside of us, not what different people with diverse views say. Consider others, but don't let their opinion of you change who you are. You'd only loose your self-worth in the end. There is only so much people can do to make you feel good, the rest is up to you. Your opinion of yourself is the only opinion that should be able to make or break you.

Have a fabulous weekend y'all! I intend to do just that.

Hugs...