Widowhood is a dreaded stage by most women, especially African women; nevertheless, it is something that will likely happen as statistics show that there are more widows than widowers. The maltreatment of widows became such a global issue that the United Nations now recognises June 23rd as the International Widows' Day and uses it to raise awareness on the plight of widows, especially the young women, with the aim of eradicating such awful practices.
I sincerely doubt if any woman in a happy marriage wishes to be a widow; the exception could be those women going through awful times in the hands of their abusive husbands. Yes, a young woman I know actually told us she was relieved her husband was dead, after about 3 years of marriage, as it was a one-week-fresh-bruise kinda marriage as a result of domestic violence. She didn't kill him, but she saw his death as an escape from a terrible marriage. Anyway, that's by the way. We all wish we'd grow old and grey with our husbands and see our grandbabies together, but sometimes life deals us an awful blow and there's nothing we can do about it.
I remember when my dad died, some people came with some demands and we made it clear to them that our mother wasn't to be hassled in anyway. I specifically asked her if she wished to cut her hair, and she replied that she wanted to do it. As far as I was concerned, she didn't have to do it if she didn't want to. However, I admit we were able to shield her from all these because we were already grown and the uncles couldn't mess with us. I also know that a lot of young widows who do not have grown children to speak for them go through a lot of terrible situations at the hands of their husband's relatives and kinsmen.
We have heard about women being asked to swear at a shrine or by a deity that they didn't kill their husbands, in some cases, the corpse is bathed and the woman is asked to drink that water used in bathing the corpse to prove her innocence in her husband's death. The issue of stripping them of their inheritance or husband's property, is an old tale that is prevalent among various African culture. Woe betide you if you don't have a child for your husband, or a male child in some cases; you should just kiss whatever property you possess with your husband goodbye, as the greedy in-laws and kinsmen will ensure you get stripped of everything.
That it hasn't happened to you or someone you know doesn't erode the fact that it happens, and we need to put a stop to it. The people that harass widows didn't fall from the sky, they are you and I, or our parents and uncles and aunts. If your uncle's widow is being harassed, speak up and defend her if she doesn't have grown children to come to her defence. Do not keep quiet and think it's not your business. If your father wants to covet what belongs to the widow in your family, stop him and denounce his acts. These harmful practices widows face should not be found in our midst in these modern times, as men do not face any of these. A woman who just lost her husband if battling with spending the rest of her life alone and coming to terms with losing her husband, she doesn't need to be hounded and harassed by you. Show them some love please, especially the young ones with small children.
This is also another opportunity to encourage women to get empowered, financially. Asides loneliness that comes with being a widow, another main challenge they face is financial difficulty when the man is no more. This renders them vulnerable and exposes them to further harassment and humiliation from men, who wants to take advantage of their poor state. However, when a woman is financially empowered, she'd avoid all these. Learn and be a part of your husband's business, if you do not have a job or business of your own; in this case, if the man dies, you can easily step in and continue running the business. We are not wishing death on anybosy's husband, but life happens, and it's not fair, so we have to be prepared for such occurrences. Men, make a will, I already wrote about making your wives your next-of-kin. Don't make her a prey to that brother or friend who had been eyeing her and who'd want to get her into bed just because of mere financial assistance. Secure your family, in your presence and absence. Teach her your business, so she can assist you while alive and continue where you stop.
Remember, even the holy books condemn the act of maltreating widows, so why do it?
Peace...
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