While we focus our attention on the rising number of rape cases we read and hear of, and teaching our children ways to avoid getting molested, as well as instilling decency in them so they do not become the molesters and rapists, I feel we should also bring another thing to the fore: Unhealthy competition/rivalry.
I read about the school pupil in Lagos who poured acid in his female classmate's water bottle so she'd drink and die. What was the girl's offence? Apparently the boy had been taking the 1st position in class, then the girl took over and relegated the boy to the 2nd position. His parents berated him for allowing the girl come 1st, and in a bid to eliminate the competition, he snuck into the Chemistry Laboratory at school, got hold of acid, poured away the water in the girl's water bottle and replaced the water with acid. If not for fellow students who saw what he did and told the girl, she would have drank it and died.
When the news broke, a lot of Nigerians called the boy all sorts of names, and trust us, we also went spiritual on the matter, with some calling for him to be delivered of whatever demons that made him do that. We forgot the root of the problem, his parents! They berated him for coming 2nd in class, pressurised him and pushed him to that level of desperation where he felt he had to do anything to eliminate the competition and take over the 1st position which he felt was his birthright.
Another friend told a story of a woman who almost skinned her child alive because she came 13th in class. As far as the woman was concerned, the girl should've come 1st. Now, let's look at the issue of genetics here, as an apple doesn't fall far from the tree. A lot of parents who didn't excel in their academics somehow expect their children to magically be geniuses. I'm not saying it's impossible, but what are the odds? If there are 20 pupils in a class, someone must take the 20th position, ain't it? Hehehe...
I know we want our children to succeed and excel, but we should also teach them that sometimes in life, you lose, and that is not the end of the world, or the worst thing that can happen. I have gone to graduation ceremonies and parents would, in public, humiliate their children for not winning a prize in any category. They think that by doing that, they are motivating the child to do better, but that is not so. Psychologically, the child gets discouraged and resents those whom he feels perform better or are smarter.
Children need to know that while it is okay to lose sometimes, they should work hard towards winning again. It will make him a better adult. Telling your child he should win all the time will not prepare him/her for the uncertainties of life, which is why some people become suicidal over any minor setback. Competition is good, and helps bring out the best in all of us, but when one person has this I-must-win-all-the-time mentality, it becomes a problem. Sometimes we, as parents, encourage it without understanding the implications. We even compare between siblings and make some feel worse for not being good at some things. We forget that each of us have our own strengths and weaknesses, and we cannot all be equally good at the same thing.
In the meantime, allow them rest and enjoy their holidays. Contrary to the belief that their brains will become dull if they don't attend school, or holiday lesson for a month, their brains actually need a rest from the 13 or more subjects they're being taught at school. Ask me what a 5 year old is doing with over 13 subjects!
A little play, a study is good for the brain.
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