Rape: To Talk ot Not to Talk

They say that when life gives you lemons, do not frown, make a lemonade and have a cool drink. If only it were that easy. You can't always turn a bad situation to a good one, or one with a happy ending. In life, we deal with things differently and cope with traumas in different ways, however, when it comes to the issue of rape, the society tries to shut the victim up. Why?

I have been a victim, it was awful. It took me a while, but I talked about it despite being told by some people not to. They felt it was shameful to admit that one has been raped, probably because we live in a society where the victim is blamed for getting raped. However, in my opinion, talking about it removes the stigma and helps one move on. 

Nevertheless, I realise we are all different and what works for me might not work for another person. Also, each rape case different, some are more traumatic than the others, therefore you cannot say you know exactly how a victim feels simply because you have been a victim. 

Reporting rape cases should be encouraged, especially when the culprit is known to the victim. I could not report mine because I didn't know the culprit, and the country which we live in is not  one where we have any kind of data base for identifying or profiling suspects. Once a rape happens, and you know the culprit, go to a hospital and get tested and records taken. You will need those for evidence later. Most of the cases do not lead to successful prosecution due to a lack of evidence, so get the needed evidence.

I am of the opinion that we should not cover rape cases; firstly, we need to prosecute the rapists. Letting them go scot free or merely shaming them is not enough deterrence.  The most infuriating part is where a relative rapes a small child and parents want to resolve it 'within the family'! Secondly, talking about it can be therapeutic, at least it was for me. We tend to bottle things up inside and that is not healthy. Someone gets raped, he/she does not talk about it, the very few people that know about it act like nothing happened, thinking they're helping the victim move on. No, the nightmares and the tears and the questions do not just cease because we do not talk about it, and that could be very dangerous. We are not used to seeing psychologists here in Nigeria, so we don't get professional help. However, you can be a listening ear to that friend, colleague or family member who has been raped. Listen to her vent and rant and cry, and be a shoulder to lean on.

Recent incidents of rape brought this to my mind, and isn't it shocking that somehow people blame the victims? Someone also hinted that I might have caused mine because of the way I dressed, isn't that ridiculous? Goods are displayed in the shops, do we go and take them because they are there for us to look at? If we could control ourselves with material things, why can't we do the same with human beings?? What could a 7 months old child have done to entice an adult, or a 5 years old girl to seduce a man? We should really do away with the mentality that a woman must have done something to warrant rape. There is just no justification for rape, none at all.

How do we protect ourselves and our daughters, especially? Do we buy pepper spray, guns, learn self defence? Or do we simply make our sons, husbands, fathers, brothers, etc understand that it is never okay to rape or molest a woman, and not cover up for them when they rape someone? It's disappointing to note that in the event of rape, the women in the culprit's life (mother, wife, sister) are the ones that beg you to forgive him. It's really saddening to read about these rape cases and nobody gets prosecuted.