On the Issue of Consent

I love this country!! Never a dull moment, I swear! There's always one scandal brewing on the social scene, from our actress claiming someone's dogs as hers, to one of the housemates in the Big Brother naija getting disqualified for sexual offences, now a controversial Nigerian Pastor is being accused of impregnating a young girl and having her arrested when she refused to abort the pregnancy. We stay busy, don't we? We're not complaining though; with the situation of things in Nigeria, we can do with some form of amusement, albeit at other people's expense. Sad, but true.

Courtesy: therelationshipblogger.com

The incident that happened in the Big Brother house got me convinced that a lot of us do not quite understand the concept of consent. Consent means express approval, it's not assumption, or guess-work. Consent is permission or agreement for something to happen. You do not have my consent if you merely 'think' I would approve of something because you could sense some sort of vibe coming from me. For those who didn't know what happened, lemme summarise it for ya. A certain male housemate was disqualified from the show for sexually assaulting a female housemate while she slept.

Now, some people believe she led him on by allowing him kiss her indiscriminately, sleep and cuddle together, give her a sensual massage, etc, so why complain when he took it a step further by actually trying to put his fingers in her vagina and while she was asleep!. The problem I see here is that we assume too much. Someone that is not your wife or girlfriend, you try to grope her while she sleeps? I read a case of a boyfriend that was sued for rape by his girlfriend because he removed the condom he wore, unknown to the lady, while they were having sex, and she won that case. Unfortunately, Nigeria is still a country where we are still trying to convince a lot of the citizens that there is something like spousal rape, even in marriage. So, of course they saw this incident as the lady giving her consent. 

There is need to clearly understand or come to an agreement with someone when it comes to sexual relations. Never assume he/she wants you, or think that groping a person is an indication of sexual interest or a sign of communication. It just makes you a pervert who has no self control. Don't even try that with me, I'd break those hands. Even the good book says, 'ask and it shall be given to you', I don't want to hear the verse about 'the violent taking it by force' o! hehehe...

Have a drama free week, and may we never be disgraced in public by our lack of self control, can I hear an Amen?!